Ra Ra Ra

today is our cip day n we went to this old folks hm and gosh was it real depressing...the moment we saw the place..well its kindda rundown n its surrounded by mansions n bunglow hses...so imagine the contrast.n when i entered the first thing i saw was this one old lady on the bed looking so helpless n extreamly small in size and all i cld think abt was my late granny during her last few wks in the hospital...at that moment sadness had already engulf me n i juz hope that the situation inside wont be as bad..was i wrong i almost wanted to cry when i saw this particualr old lady..it was very apparent that she was blind as i saw her being held by the nurse to go to the toilet..later i found out that she is also deaf n i felt so guilty coz i cld not do anything...me n nat did talk to this sweet old lady who told us abt her life..tho she is already 96 she is pretty strong for her age n her memory is still strong she told us that she went to england to study to be a matron..pretty cool...and she told us abt her life there and how happy she was that we came to visit coz she woke up real early that morning to bath n comb her hair to look all nice n pretty b4 we came...she's so cute i tell u...then yea i got to noe afew other cute grannys too..the worst part was when it was time for us to leave....tho they were smiling saying good bye to us the sadness in their eyes really showed n i felt extreamly guilty coz we were there only to fill our CIP times ...to carry out our duty n not out of our own free will.. i'm sure its a horrible feeling to see many diff people come and go to visit them n only a few return for frequent visits..i wld love to go back there but i doubt i'd have the time..its not that i dun care but honestly at one point or a another i juz dun noe wad to say to them...the conversation will juz end abruptly n then awkwardness sets in,..sigh..when i was there i kept thinking abt how it wld b like for me when i'm old...will my children take care of me?will i b in gd health?will my husband still b by my side?..and then i tot abt death...will it b painful?wad wld life after death be like?how wld i answer god for all my sins n wrong doings?...i got scared i tell u...it sounds stupid la...but sumhow i feared death....then i tot abt my parents..hoping that i can be a gd daughter to them..take care of them n to provide for them as how they have done for me..i am the only child n they can only rely on me..so yes i will take care of them coz i so do not want them to be on their own...
Anyways my common test results really sux...MATH:C PHY:AO PASS GEOG:D GP:D7 MLY:E8...many told me to quit sc...but i feel dat its not bcoz of sc..mostly is how i maximise my time...yes i agree that sc takes up alot of time but believe it or not i enjoy it coz of the ppl i feel like as tho they are my second family..the bond is there...we've been thru many things 2gether..shared many tears n joys along the way too...so how can i give that up considering that i am not in talking terms with a few of my classmates my sc family are the ppl that i can rely on in gd n in bad times..so yes....i guess i have to make many sacrifices for my studies...by cutting down the long hrs on the phone and not going out as often with my dearies n my darling...i noe they wld understand...and i am at ease coz regardless i noe they are always there for me as i have been for them all these yrs...love u guys to bits..cant imagine life without any of u..